Archive for October, 2012

“Hi Mom!” she said. A friend of my daughters whom I was meeting for the first time. I smiled and gave her a hug through the car window. She had a brilliant smile and shining brown eyes. “I don’t have a mom” I wondered silently if she had died, sadness swept over my face as she then said “She ran away.”

Where do Moms run away to? Are they happy there or haunted by the family they left behind. Does she see her little girl in dreams, wonder how she is? Does what she ran away from protect her from pain each time she looks into a girl the same age or when her birthday rolls around? I gave her a hug goodbye, wishing I held on just a little bit longer. Once for my “daughter” and for the mother who ran away.

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Texture of tears…

As if her cheek could translate soul

through the texture

of her tears

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How desperate this search

deep within your eyes to find

that little piece of me


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That moment…

That moment

when he looks not at me

but through me

Stilling my soul with his presence

and I hold my breath

as if doing so could stop time

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In the quiet moments before sleep


my mind relaxes just enough to forget

the pain of awakening

of wondering if I breathe loneliness

or does it breathe me

Soon I will sleep

and my burdens will be carried by stars until morning

and dawn reminds me a new day brings promise of change if I choose to make it

if I am strong enough


In the quiet moments before sleep


I can almost remember what it was like to be happy

once upon a time






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You sit there teasing

watching my breath

coaxing my need

Your name carved into my bit lip

as I wait wanting only


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Did he think his touch could be untraced

Erasing every tasted tremble

as if my every breath didn’t originate

in the rests between his own heartbeat

Memories that held on for so long


just to feel the heat of what used to be

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Seen from depths

drops of sun illuminate the surface

a mesmerizing dance

rippling hope

I close my eyes to feel its warmth

breathe its beauty

wishing beyond now this is not merely a hypnotic mirage

but a translation of soul

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“Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with their song still in them”

Henry David Thoreau

Searching stillness

between drops of softly falling rain

for all the right questions

that only have rhetorical answers

I listen in the silences for peace in whispers

a lone songbird sings in the downpour

i recognize her song

for it is mine trapped

in a soul too fearful  to let it go

yet I rejoice in the duet

knowing one day I too will fly

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Tumbleweeds rolling across mindscapes

The soft breeze of thought revolving ghost like memories that scrape against soul

Each look back with new eyes give insight as to how a memory was perceived

only the pain remains the same.

Covered in the dust of a well worn road

my mind flies to plant itself firmly in fields

where only wild sunflowers grow

softly stretching towards light

looking away only to bow gracefully in adoration

dropping seeds into fertile soil

where every thought blooms into beauty

decorating even the grayest skies with joy

and tumbleweeds become yesterday’s memory blown away in a fragrant breeze of now

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