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Archive for October, 2012

“Hi Mom!” she said. A friend of my daughters whom I was meeting for the first time. I smiled and gave her a hug through the car window. She had a brilliant smile and shining brown eyes. “I don’t have a mom” I wondered silently if she had died, sadness swept over my face as she then said “She ran away.”

Where do Moms run away to? Are they happy there or haunted by the family they left behind. Does she see her little girl in dreams, wonder how she is? Does what she ran away from protect her from pain each time she looks into a girl the same age or when her birthday rolls around? I gave her a hug goodbye, wishing I held on just a little bit longer. Once for my “daughter” and for the mother who ran away.

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Texture of tears…

As if her cheek could translate soul

through the texture

of her tears

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Searching…

How desperate this search

deep within your eyes to find

that little piece of me

lost

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That moment…

That moment

when he looks not at me

but through me

Stilling my soul with his presence

and I hold my breath

as if doing so could stop time

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In the quiet moments before sleep

alone

my mind relaxes just enough to forget

the pain of awakening

of wondering if I breathe loneliness

or does it breathe me

Soon I will sleep

and my burdens will be carried by stars until morning

and dawn reminds me a new day brings promise of change if I choose to make it

if I am strong enough

believe

In the quiet moments before sleep

alone

I can almost remember what it was like to be happy

once upon a time

 

 

 

 

 

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You sit there teasing

watching my breath

coaxing my need

Your name carved into my bit lip

as I wait wanting only

you

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Untraced…

Did he think his touch could be untraced

Erasing every tasted tremble

as if my every breath didn’t originate

in the rests between his own heartbeat

Memories that held on for so long

collapse

just to feel the heat of what used to be

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